Aaaaeeeyyy! for Effort

I entered a contest a few weeks back.  I lost.

TrueAchievements.com is a website I visit for my gaming needs.  Recently they offered a contest to their registered users for an opportunity to win a gaming strategy guide for a game that was just released.

Here is the description of the official rules found on the site:  

Simply tell us why you want it! Let us know why playing with a Brady Games guide to hand improves the game for you and why you don’t want to miss out on this competition opportunity!

We’ll sift through the entries and as quickly as we can pick out our favourites and issue first place with that sexy Limited Edition and second place with the Signature Series Edition! Get on it TrueAchievement!

With those guidelines in place I attacked this contest armed only with my creative writing skills, my wit,  and my sense of humor.  I should have attacked it with my nose a bit more brown, an apple a bit more polished, an ass a bit more kissed and an up a bit more sucked.

And the winners are…

I’d like a copy for all the bonus information. I think developers put a lot of work in to their games and many gamers brush over it for a quick completion or gamerscore. Like in mass effect, I read every new codex entry as it unlocked and I had a much better appreciation for the game world as I knew all about the races and technology for example. Having a copy of the guide and this information will just mean I enjoy this awesome game even more.

 …and the runner up is…

I really enjoy strategy guides. I don’t buy them for games like Gears of War, Halo or Assassin’s Creed, but I normally pick one up for the big RPG games.

It’s not because I can’t finish the games on my own, it’s because I like being able to reference the guide at any point, without having to search the internet. To me, a strategy guide is a collector’s item, and that’s the main reason I buy them. I love my collection of guides, though my collector’s editions are severely lacking due to lack of funds. I have three; Final Fantasy XII and XIII, and Zelda: Skyward Sword.

The Borderlands guide looks stunning, and would make a great addition to my guides that I display proudly. To win the guide would be fantastic, as I imagine by the time I can afford one, they will be sold out.

Unfortunately, my entry was not ass-kissy enough to win the contest, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Here is my entry:

So, TrueAchievements.com would like a reason why I want to be given a copy of the Brady Games Limited Edition Strategy Guide or Signature Series Strategy Guide Edition for Borderlands 2.

Here are a few reasons for your consideration:

I’m not much of a reader. The last book I attempted to read (without pictures) came from the inside of a cookie from a Chinese restaurant at the end of my meal. Owning the Borderlands 2 strategy guide will allow me to use those “Hooked on Phonics” tapes I bought so many years ago. Which reminds me, are you giving away tape decks or a Walkman as well?

Need more reasons? Ok.

My library at home consists of a homemade encyclopedia, which is really just every page of Wikipedia.com printed and glued together. The resulting “book” stands at about the height of a fourth grader, but grows taller everyday. I also have the official strategy guide to Avatar: The Last Airbender: The Burning Earth in order to extract the super tough 1000 gamer score points. Owning the Brady Games Borderlands 2 Strategy Guide will allow me to bookend my homemade encyclopedia AND help me obtain the maximum Gamerscore points as well, a win, win.

Still not convinced? Fine. I saved the health reasons for last.

Since I will be playing Borderlands 2 for several hours/days in a row, non-stop I will definitely let myself, and my home, go to shambles. I don’t plan on cleaning, going shopping or possibly even opening a window for several days. During that time the cleanliness of my home will be in serious question. I plan on ignoring any health violation or demolition notices posted on my front door while I am leveling up my characters and playing online with friends. If I was given the hardcover Limited Edition Borderlands 2 Strategy Guide I could certainly use it to squish the cockroaches that will inevitably come for my food (if you consider ramen a food). They may even attempt to try and play split-screen with me, so the strategy guide would come in handy then too. We could share the secrets of Pandora together.

And finally…I’m not the tallest person in the world. My television set sits just above my eye line, so when I am playing video games on my Xbox I am constantly looking up at the tv. If I had either of these two strategy guides I could slip them under my backside, therefore giving me the necessary height to look straightforward at my television. No more cricks in my next, no more looking like a baby bird waiting for his mother to feed him. Just sweet relief, in the form of a Brady Games Borderlands 2 Strategy Guide.

I am proud of my entry and I had a good time writing it.  Now that I know what they expect from their entrants I will leave my creativity behind and just suck up to the sponsor.

Vincent Lorusso Written by:

A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives. - Jackie Robinson

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