Every now and again I will ask certain guests to write a blog for the website. This blog was provided by guest author William Henry Harrison, former President of the United States of America.
Since I haven’t been heard from in quite some time, I suppose I should begin this blog with a quick introduction. My name is William Henry Harrison, or “Old Tippecanoe” Bill to my good friends. I was the ninth president of these United States of America, and served proudly from March 4th, 1841 until my death on April 4th, 1841…you read correctly…32 days in office. I have the distinction of being the first president to die in office as well as the shortest tenure as president of the United States. Which brings me to the reason I am writing this blog for cyngle.com today.
I decided to put all the political bullshit aside today and write something from my life experience, something very important to me.
I want to share with you the importance of owning a high quality, all-weather jacket, during times of inclement weather.
March 4th, the day I took the oath of office and delivered my inaugural address, was a cold and wet day. Vice president Johnny “Ten“ Tyler and myself had had a few pina coladas at a bar called O’Malleys before the ceremony began, so we didn’t mind getting caught in the rain. We were riding high on our Whig party’s ascension into the White House, so something as trivial as a drizzle wasn’t going to bring us down.
My wife Anna was always reminding me, and our nine children, to always take a jacket before leaving the house. Not wanting to listen to her badger me anymore on the subject I told her, “Dear, in a few hours time I will be the most powerful man of these 26 states. People will be scrutinizing my every move up on stage and if it becomes sunny and I take the jacket off, how am I going to hold it with my right hand raised and my left hand on the bible? I am 68 years old, obviously the smartest man in our Nation, I think by now I am aware of when I need a jacket and when I don’t.”
Let me say this here and now for all the world to see, “Anna, you were right. I was wrong.”
About an hour into my inauguration speech (which was the longest one in our nation’s history clocking in at just over two hours, so suck it John Quincy Adams) I began to feel a tickle in my throat. Not focusing on the discomfort, I did my best to power through my speech. When the crowd applauded it gave me chills down my spine, which I now suspect were actually the beginning of me catching a cold. I was feeling so inspired by that crowd that I leapt from the stage onto their outstretched hands and rode their raised arms back to the podium (what a rush).
Once the day’s festivities were over I immediately went inside, cracked open my first edition of “The Hunger Games” (I heard they are making a moving picture of it soon) and curled up next to the fireplace.
Thirty-one days later I was pronounced dead of pneumonia, jaundice and overwhelming septicemia.
If you don’t have an all-weather jacket yet, now is a great time to look into purchasing one. There are several popular name brand companies that provide quality jackets at affordable prices. Finding your particular style is going to be athe biggest challenge. Do you want zippers, buttons or Velcro? How many pockets do you really need? Should you get a hood that rolls up behind your neck, or should you just get one that hangs out all the time? Do you want something light, or do want to have a jacket that can beat back the cold? Once you figure out the style, you will have to see what colors are available. There are so many more color choices than back in my day; you could have a different color jacket for every day of the week. There is even something called Gore-Tex offered on some of the jackets (I’m not sure what that is, but when I was around if you mentioned gore or tex, in the same sentence you were obviously making a reference to the Republic of Texas and those poor souls at the Alamo in March of 1836).
After you die, you have an eternity to look back at decisions you made in your life and really dissect all possible options and outcomes. I now realize that my biggest concern about not having a free hand to hold my jacket could have easily been solved by wrapping the jacket around my waist, like a belt, and tying the sleeves in a knot by my bellybutton.
March is almost upon us, and by now you realize how much I dislike that particular month, so if you haven’t bought an all-weather, rain resistant jacket yet, you may want to consider my words of wisdom before those April showers are upon us.